Toggle Menu

Ask Alistaire Hayman

Things you might want to ask Alistaire

Does it hurt?


How do I know if I need therapy?

Great question. Simply we all have issues. I am afraid of heights and spiders. However, because it does not interfere with my life, it's not a problem. If it were, I would seek help.

It’s when irrational thoughts and fears get the better of you and stop you living a full life that therapy will help.

A woman who was sexually abused as a child may, without help, carry her distrust of men into adult life.

A child abandoned by a parent at an early age often will not trust others.

We all suffer from dark moods but, if this goes on for more than two weeks, this is classed as depression. Without help, you begin to see the world in just negative terms and life loses its colour. Without help, this could lead to a whole series of tragic events and sometimes lead to suicide.

What can I get from Psychotherapy?

Everyone can benefit from talking to someone and that’s one benefit that comes from therapy. Yes, you could talk to a friend but, very often, they are just as interested to talk about themselves and there is that little matter of confidentiality. Therapy also helps you get things into prospective and enables you to see things as they really are. Taking a new look often helps drive out the “Demons” and brings about peace of mind.

Therapy will find the root of the issue and reframe past experiences and help you see things anew. Why we do what we do is often due to early experiences; we have developed coping skills to deal with these times and often they work but sometimes they are just not enough or simply wrong.

Some issues are very distressing and require experienced help to bring about relief and healing.

How confidential is it?

I have to keep records, of course. Otherwise I would have to rely on my memory which is not a good idea and certainly not professional. However, I have no interest in keeping your address, and even your name is simply how you would like to be addressed and first name only would be fine. I have signed a professional undertaking to keep information secret and that’s a must. Just don’t tell me anything which is a direct threat to someone else’s life, that's all.

So what do I need to tell you?

Well there is no point in seeing me if you are going to say nothing.

Freud would never start the conversation and he had one notable patient who never said a word. This went on for weeks. Sorry but I can’t work that way. Many people say whatever comes to mind first and then there is no stopping them. I will tell you if I get bored.

Are there any other rules?

Yes, to be fair there are rules.

As a therapist I can only do so much for you if you are not prepared for change. You need to be honest with your therapist from the outset and not hold back when asked questions.

If you are asked to prepare before the next session by doing a bit of homework, then do it. There may be times when you may not feel like you are making progress, and this can happen, so we need to review where you started out and where you are now and, importantly, where you want to be.

So why me and not some other therapist?

I do know my stuff and I have a good rapport with my patients. I am mature and have a life time of experience that only age brings about and I ensure my learning never stops. However if I feel, for some reason, we are not going to make headway, I will be happy to refer you on to a colleague who may use a more appropriate intervention to reach the required results.

International Council of Psychotherapists' logo National Council of Psychotherapists' logo

Psychotherapy • Gestalt • EFT • Hypnotherapy • Counselling • N.L.P. Counselling
Stress Management • Fast Phobia Treatment • Panic Attacks
Abuse Psychotherapy • Bereavement